You know you’re outside of that box and won’t feel at home until you get HOME when Liberals think you’re a Pentecostal. Pentecostals think you’re a Liberal. And conservatives think you’re a heretic. .

Try believing that only authority we have is The Spirit of God, not Elders or Paper (Bible) or Pope (anarchist/liberal), and that instead of just “observing the teachings of Jesus” we need to listen to His Voice today and experience His power in our lives (pentecostal). The only ones who will let you in the door of their “church” are the liberals who think you’re cool but somewhat strange…which makes you “cool” since they like strange folks and no one gets it…at all. But there is hope as long as God loves us and I don’t feel that going away anytime soon…

I’ve come to realize that Laura and I don’t fit into any boxes this world has yet — and we never will. I (we) have so much to share but we often find ourselves getting bogged down by people’s desire to categorize us when there is only one label that will do.

I am a Christian Anarchist and can finally appreciate the great work God is doing among my friends in San Antonio — but I don’t feel comfortable boxed inside any movement that looks mostly to the past for examples of Love, neglecting the necessary, supernatural guidance of the Spirit in the present. I also don’t feel that the Sermon on the Mount is something to be ‘imitated’ but Jesus simply saying: “If you wanna be ‘righteous’ through following the Law, you’re screwed — what you need is to KNOW me and I’ll do the work inside and through you as a byproduct of our initmacy…”

I am a neo-Charismatic. I believe and practice the gifts — but I still don’t feel comfortable inside of a movement that looks to people and paper for authority instead of solely the Spirit of Jesus. I also find it impossible to live inside of a “prosperity” box. That label is so empty.

I am definitely “Emergent” but then again I don’t feel comfortable inside of a movement that talks about the Spirit but has yet to understand the Truth that spiritual/supernatural experience of intimacy with God is THE reason we live and is not just reserved for “mystics”.

I am no longer a “bitch-slapper” of the Bride or conservative. I believe that God is much bigger than The Bible.

There is one label I’ll take (It’s kinda long, OK…:-) – I desire to be a courageous freedom fighter, Lover of Jesus, Lover of the Bride and experiential and existential pursuer of an Intimate Sexual/Physical/Emotional relationship with God.

I believe that this life is all about intimacy with God. I believe that “mystical”, deep, intimate, sexual-like experiences with God aren’t for just a few to experience but for all who are called by Jesus. I believe that Love and fear cannot coexist and that every action motivated by Love (initiated by the Spirit of Jesus) will bring freedom.

I believe that I have been given a Spirit of Power and Love (you were right, Brother Paul!) and that He jealously pursues me.

I believe that He will never judge me — I believe that He will never let me go.

Above all, I believe that He loves us, that Jesus worships us (He acknowledges our worth…that’s what worship is!), that Jesus is crazy for us, and only as we are drawn by His Spirit to worship Him can we be satisfied.

If I had to sum up my theology in one song it would be this one:

“Come over here Steve, you NEED to listen to this” said Craig as he pulled me towards the CD player. He quickly popped in a CD of a certain singer and the mournful tones began to arise.

She sang of the story of a girl who had given herself away, yet refused to take the life of her unborn child. As the song rose and fell it slowly died away with a regretful lyric: “Amanda, why didn’t you wait for love?…”

As Craig turned to me to ask me what I felt about it I almost cried…I HATED the song. Filled with remorse and regret for bad decisions, the story of the girl left no hope for Grace, redemption, a NEW start, a CLEAN start….

There was nothing beautiful about it…and that’s when it hit me so hard. Most of us are lost (the Bride), so lost apart from Jesus (even though we’re born again) that we can’t even begin to understand what His Grace means in our lives today. It means that we have a NEW day today, and that the past is gone and our future is bright with purpose…

When I met Laura I understood my purpose and why God called me “GRACE”. And He showed me through a song He gave me.

I was given this song, prophetically, 3 months before I even met her. I had no idea why I was writing it at the time but it poured out of my heart and when I saw her and knew her, it made sense…and I love her so much more because of it all.

It wasn’t a song of shame or even regret…but of Joy, hope, and Grace. We’ve all messed up and will mess up…but the God who formed us and Loved us and called us out of the world is so much bigger than that. He DESIRES us with a passion, and He is in the business of redeeming, restoring, and beautifying those things which even the “Church” calls irredemable.

He’s redeeming my broken life and hers…and it’s so beautiful. She is SO beautiful. I love you, Laura…

Laura’s Song (excerpt)

“When I looked into your eyes I saw perfection,

and the teardrops in your heart made me smile,

when the pieces of your melodies, formed in my a symphony of a new start

of a new day, of a new life…

“You are so beautiful to me,

You are so beautiful to me, can’t you see, can’t you see…

“Your sins are so gone girl,

Your sins are forgiven,

and your future wrongs, girl,

so to Hell with all your shame…

My God is so strong, girl,

He’ll teach me to Love you,

and to lead you into a new start, a new life, a new day….”

I know some folks call him “Apostle Paul”…some folks call him “Saint Paul”, but to me, he’s just “Brother Paul”, nothing more, nothing less.

It just feels kind of strange, funny actually, to call him “Apostle Paul”. If I did that I’d have to go around titling everyone by their spiritual gift. For folks that are influencers in my life it would be strange enough…not to mention calling FRIENDS by their gifting.

Imagine introducing yourself and family when you meet someone new: “Hi, I’m Evangelist Bob, this is my wife Apostle Christine, and our two kids, Prophet Hephzibah and Bearer of Words of Wisdom Jeffrey…”

Or, for modern examples, it would look kind of like this:

There’s Apostle Yun.

Prophet Jon Foreman

Prophet David Wilkerson

Evangelist Tony Hedrick

Teacher John Piper

Discerner of Spirits John Eldredge

…and the list goes on and on. (you can see some of my personal influencers above and they range from Calvinist to almost “Open Theologians”, young rock stars with hearts for the poor to poor Chinese preachers…it’s good to have a mix, keeps us balanced .

I’ve seen that usually those who want the titles are more interested in making folks know that they’re credible instead of relying on God to qualify them in ministry. Anyways, Brother Paul, that’s who he is to me…and that’s who you are to me…a brother, a sister, and I say that with all respect and honor you deserve. Only Jesus is my eternal Lover .

This post is for my friends who have forgotten how we started. This is for my friends who have forgotten how to live. This is for you who (like me) so easily forget about how to access Joy that comes from knowing our True Identity and living according to it.

All of this is a product of God’s working in my heart and He has even dared to use a beautiful girl to help me see this Truth — yep, physical attraction and all …“for him who has ears to hear”:

Beauty — Our Calling

The Bride is so amazingly beautiful — gorgeous. She’s done more for humanity than any other entity in the history of this earth. Schools, hospitals, art, MUSIC…all primarily flowed from the Bride as some point in history. She is not only beautiful, but she has been and ever will be a catalyst for beauty and change in this world.

But sometimes she’s forgotten who she was, she’s forgotten how to be True to herself and she’s lived according to a false identity. The scars of wars, hoarding of wealth, oppression, legalism…they can be seen if you look close enough.

The worst of it is that sometimes she’s oppressed by lies that are half-truths which make them so dangerous…and even THE LIE that says: This world is going to burn up, it’s not significant, it’s just “play-practice” for the future, so don’t spend the time making it a more beautiful place.

And so, believing this half-Truth (lie), she retreats into a corner, puts on her veil and hides her beauty from the world. She stops going out to make the world a more beautiful place and instead just waits out the time until she’ll finally be united with her husband.

She stops caring for her beauty, she stops showering. She limits her diet to oreos and ramen noodles. Her skin turns a pale, ghostly color as she never goes out to see the sun…and her beauty is almost forgotten by the world.

But that’s not the way it is with the Bride. She is beautiful, and MANY know it — and she is making the world a more beautiful place.

A Case For Beauty

She is primarily beautiful because Her Lover and Creator is beautiful…and He only creates beauty, He cannot create anything that goes against His character. She is beautiful because she is His Bride and He makes her beautiful, it’s His work and love in her that brings out more of her beauty.

Simply by being The Bride of the most beautiful being ever (who is extremely attracted to beauty: Psalm 33:5) makes her beautiful — her identity is found in relation to Jesus, her husband…so beauty is an inseparable part of her identity.

The Legitimacy of Creating Beauty in This World

*Genesis 1

*Matt 25

*Isaiah 58

*Psalm 31

*Luke 7

*Letter of James

*Letter of 1st John

and many, many more…

Creating Beauty

As the Apostle Paul said, if this world is our only hope, then we of all men are the most to be pitied. This is True. But too often we’ve just given in to the half-truth that this world will end in disaster and have overlooked our calling to make this world a better place, to actually BE beautiful (according to our True identity) and to CREATE beauty around us (**Luke 7:22).

We create Beauty primarily by being catalysts of HOPE in this world by bringing the eternal message of Jesus to those who are suffering without Him. Hope is the deepest spiritual and emotional need we all have.

But we also create beauty through Freedom: Freedom from slavery and physical oppression, Freedom from injustice for our brothers and sisters.

We create beauty by helping people find emotional freedom through counseling and deliverance.

We create beauty by healing the sick, caring for the poor, widows, and orphans (James 1:27).

We create beauty not because it will get people to join us as we wait around for the Kingdom to come, but we simply create Beauty because that’s who we are and it flows naturally from our identity. As the Bride, we are STUNNINGLY GORGEOUS and when we know our identity we are free to create beauty around us.

The natural by-product of knowing and living in our True Beauty and CREATING Beauty around the world is that we become more attractive to the world and they are drawn to us — and The Bride increases! (Evangelism)

Because the world has the image of God it can do beautiful things (dig a well, plant a tree, rescue a slave)…and even look beautiful…but NOTHING like the The Bride. She alone can bring full, eternal hope to all.

When she digs a well, she looks much more beautiful doing it. When she feeds the poor, the eyes of the world are drawn to her delicate hands and bulging biceps that offer more than what they can ever give. She offers intimacy with Jesus forever and it makes everything else she does shine much more brightly.

The Reason

I’m writing this because I’m beginning to understand more about who The Bride is and what her purpose is in THIS life (mine included in that…we have a long way to go!). The Bride is meant to be attractive. No. SEDUCTIVE…incredibly desirable — so beautiful that the world is bending over in pain with tears of desire pouring from their eyes as they gaze at her.

She may be attractive when she only offers hope in one area (and what the world longs for most and needs most urgently is spiritual hope) but she is AMAZINGLY attractive when she offers hope in all areas — why? Because the world knows a fake vs. the real thing and when She lives according to her True Identity in all areas, it’s SO obvious…and SO attractive! (Luke 11:39-42)

Friends, this is why we feed the hungry, clothe the poor, heal the sick, raise the dead…because we are beautiful and we know it, and we DARE NOT HIDE IT (Matt 5:14-16) because as the world is attracted to our shining lights, they will eventually turn to Jesus who outshines all (since they will see that He is the one who makes us beautiful) and will be captured forever by His beauty.

Please don’t let this life go by just “waiting it out” for our home (and home should be our focus), but instead living fully in the beauty of who we are now, searching out our own beauty so that we can create beauty in this world.

Because the Spirit of God now lives in us we ARE the light of the world. WE are the light of the world. Woah…crazy. Don’t deny your beauty. Live in it…this is LIFE!

~Matt 5:14-16 “[Jesus says to The Bride]: You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

I’ve been in some deep conversations with a beautiful friend about this and it’s been wearing on me…I couldn’t sleep tonight, huge pain inside. Then it hit me. TRUTH. And it is the most beautiful revelation I’ve had in a LONG time.

What brings you Joy? What brings you satisfaction? You need to know the answer to this question because both are linked together…and it is CENTRAL to the LIFE of your soul!

I know that God works differently in many people’s experiences as long as it’s backed up by the Word of God. Unfortunately, we often take our own experiences and personalities and try to pigeonhole people, making them feel like they need to follow OUR way or they’re not going down the right path.

I’ve struggled with this A LOT, especially with folks who emphasize “Being” over “Doing”. Usually, these are “S” type personalities so it comes natural for them (google: DISC test), and naturally they assume that all people are like them (I do that, so do you sometimes). But we’re different. And tonight God gave me something so powerful I have to share it with you it’s this: I get all of my JOY from DOING. From Acting on, creating, and working. And I am more than justified in finding my satisfaction this way. As it is written:

Then I said, “Look, I have come.
As is written about me in the Scriptures:
⁸ I take joy in doing your will, my God,
for your instructions are written on my heart.” ~Psalm 40

Doing the will of God, being involved in the redeeming work of God on earth brings me JOY. It’s my bread from heaven, spiritual manna. It’s the only thing that satisfies me.

“Then Jesus explained: “My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work.” ~John 4:34

My satisfaction is intimately linked not only with my identity but also with my ACTIONS. It’s Biblical. The times when I lose Joy are usually when:
1.) I’m disobeying God and not seeking after His will first.
2.) I don’t have faith that I’m actually doing the will of God (allowing myself to be deceived instead of covering my ears with the Word of God).

When God brought Micah 6:8 to my consciousness and implanted the words in my heart 4 years ago (“ironically” at the same time the Spirit of God began to explode this verse throughout the world), I knew what I had to do…but I didn’t know WHY until tonight.

Doing justly brings me joy. Fighting for justice, righteousness, these things bring me SATISFACTION.

Matt. 5:6 ~ “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied…”

And my JOY is the most important thing to God. He cares about my happiness, my ALIVEness. He cares about our souls and bodies!

Yes, some of you may experience JOY by sitting around all day in the Word. I know guys like you (er…my friend Pastor Praveen who fits the perfect pastor mold, slow-moving, LOVES FOOD, relational, and…slow-moving). But there are those of us who experience JOY in action.

If that’s you, then don’t be ashamed of who you are. God made you that way. To act. to work. To fight. And to have a damn good time doing it!

Don’t give up and don’t give in to pressure. Stay true to who you are.

Honestly, I’m at a point where I feel like I’m not as full of JOY as I have been in the past. My present circumstances leave me unfulfilled. And do you know what? THAT’S OK. In fact, I’M OK with being unsatisfied at the moment. Why? Because I know the Will of God that I will pursue, and I know the JOY I’ll soon receive in DOING that will and it’s worth the wait…it is more than worth the wait.

There is a beauty in anticipation, a Joy in actually anticipating Joy that makes it worth waiting to work for God’s will on this earth. There is sometimes MORE JOY in anticipating doing the will of God than in actually doing it! It would be impossible to wait without the Joy that comes from anticipating, and that anticipation is a product of FAITH in who Jesus is and what He’s called us to do.

The easiest and most powerful analogy I can come up with to explain this is sexual. So I won’t b/c I’d feel very uncomfortable doing it and I think you can use your imagination . Sexuality is such a powerful part of us, the most powerful part (I feel) b/c it so closely relates to our spiritual life and relationship with Jesus. WOW! Breathe in this Truth. I’m living it, I’m ALIVE. May you be as well!!!!

“Father, forgive my lack of faith. I fully anticipate the JOY of continuing to do your will. You alone are God. Only You satisfy and only doing YOUR work satisfies me. It’s spiritual nourishment for my soul. I confess I need your help in maintaining a strong faith in You. Help me Lord! Thank you that You will help me!!!”